27 – Empty bottles with Mr. Shark

(Date : march 28 2015)

The first part of the night and the sex with Mr. Shark was okay. I hadn’t set expectations high to avoid getting disappointed. After getting a “couples massage” for our first date and lots of laughs, I knew the remaining of the night would be interesting to say the least. We walked into the Indian restaurant ordered our food and some wine. The food was delish and the wine kept getting better and better. I am a pretty light weight when it comes to drinking so already with the wine I drank earlier and then these… I was on the road to being a very tipsy girl. Yes, you can call me cheap drunk – I admit it. No complaints here what so ever.

We finished up and decided to continue the night at a board game bar. By far the best date I have been on. First, I love board games. Second, with the amount of wine I drank, every mundane thing was hilarious. Third, I realized I really suck at board games that even the waiter kept giving me tips / clues to beat Mr. Shark. I laughed endlessly while sipping on Sangria this time around… oh boy. The rest of the night was bound to be fun.

We finally wrap things up at the bar. The time read 1:49am and we step outside and start walking to the hotel in what seemed a pretty hectic snowstorm. It was end of March and we both weren’t dressed accordingly so it made the night that much more interesting. Our feet were soaked. Our head became a ball of white fluff  of  snow. But we made it. Laughing. Making slightly too much noise on our way to our room.

Literally 3 secs into the room, Mr. Shark pours me a glass of wine. “Here you go”. I smile and gladly drink yet another glass. He grabs his 40 oz bottle of Jameson to see how much he drank prior … still a little more than half of the bottle left. “What is Jameson anyway?!” I ask. (Clearly I’m not a drinker)  “you don’t know?! Here. Taste” he hands me his glass. I don’t taste but I smell it and make a face. Definitely not something I would be drinking. “Want some?! Let me shake it with ice it will be better.” I think about it for two seconds “sure, but I’ll take it as a shot”  his eyes lit up. “Are you serious ?!” Of course I was. He hands me a shooter. Bottoms up. Once. Twice. Three times. I was washing down the shots with wine.  Classy drinker that I am. Then it hit like a ton of bricks. The bottle was 1/4 full (see how optimistic I am here) And we were both way too drunk.


We look at each other with that “let’s do this look”. I was already sitting on the bed so he joined me. Grabbed me by the face and kissed me. Literally 2 seconds later I had stripped naked. Make that 5 secondes because I fumbled in removing my clothes and giggled every time. I take off his shirt and he pulls down his pants. Team work. We were clearly on a mission. I lay down on the bed and he climbs over me while placing his hand on my clit. His touch made my body quiver… felt like my senses were all over the place. I guess this is what alcohol does to you. (and I liked it) He slips in one finger, then two and my back ached in agreement. It felt so nice. He slowly placed his tongue to make gentle circular motions and I am moan a little louder than usual. It seriously is the best feeling ever. (PSA : MEN go down on me ALL . THE . TIME … PLEASE. Thank you)

I tried to reach for his dick but it didn’t work so I turn him over to take control. I was ready… from the moment when first had sex to now. My vagina was screaming “yay more sex for me!?!”

I kiss his neck and nibble his ear and slowly move down lower and lower until his cock meets my lips. I tease him a little with my tongue. Slowly stroke him with my hand and quickly put it in my mouth with a rapid movement. The difference in speed surprised him and made his body twitch. I kept going. Up and down until he was so hard and ready to meet my vagina again.

I was so wet from pleasuring him that I slipped on no problem. He was rather large… but it was no obstacle for my extremely wet lady parts. I start riding him, faster and faster in what seemed to be the perfect motion/speed. He reached for my waist and pulls me off. “Sorry, give me two seconds, I have to pee” Excuse me What?%!!

So off he goes and goes to pee. Didn’t even take the time to close the door. Thank goodness he washed his hands though and back he was in what seemed to be the shortest time ever. He grabs me and teases me to put me back in the mood and back on I go. Playing with my clit as I ride him in what seems to be perfectly synchronized to the song Talking Body by Tove Lo. It felt good, but I think the over wetness definitely played in the lack of feeling. I keep going and going and all of a sudden… “Sorry, give me two seconds, I have to pee again”

This GUY!!! he seriously knew how to ruin a moment. I am pretty sure drunken sex is not a thing he does often. When he came back I asked him if this was something he did with all girls – because clearly he was not winning in the sex department. He was fun for sure, but too much alcohol in his system meant he was also a chatter box on top of that. So not only was I having a conversation while riding him, I was constantly interrupted. At this point I wanted to get it over with and just go to bed. I had my fair share of laughs, I was tired and wanted to crash. Moments meshed together, intertwined and blurred. I don’t remember what I did but I know for a fact I made him cum (with no interruptions on my part). Once I satisfied him (I was no where close to getting an orgasm – scratch that off the list) I literally passed out as he was having this extremely philosophical conversation with me, that I was clearly not listening to. The darkness set in.

I wake up the next morning, hung over with a splitting headache. FUCK! I didn’t drink enough water. I pop two Advils and look over my shoulder to see Mr. Shark sleeping like a baby. The time passes and the sun shines through the very transparent or lack of curtain in the room and Mr. Shark wakes up. “Good morning” I tell him… “hey! wow, I’m so hungover. So um, did we have sex last night?! I totally blacked out”

I start laughing uncontrollably. Moments I knew happened and he had no recollection of what so ever. This is better than I thought. I gave him a few moments here and there and he almost didn’t believe me. Oh but I do not lie my friend. EPIC SEX FAIL.

Plus I wasn’t shy to tell him that we would never have sex again…. NEXT!



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