(date : March 21 2015)
Since the separation, while you try to keep things calm and collected, your mind is going a million miles and hour thinking about anything and everything. Will my kids be okay? will they survive this? will I be happy? will I learn to be alone and enjoy my own company? will my ex and I eventually have a somewhat friendly relationship? will I ever find someone? do I want to be with someone?… and the list goes on. Obviously some questions are ridiculous to even think about – but that’s how a female brain works. We over analyze shit and try to plan the heck out of everything.
My mind was in a constant haze and my concentration lacked at work and even on the road. I wasn’t focused and because of that I got 4 road infractions in 5 weeks. 4 in 5 weeks!!!! I wanted to die. I cried. I even tried to convince the police officers to give me a chance, a warning… but they wouldn’t budge. I even thought to myself “I wonder if I gave him a blowjob if he would forget anything ever happened” OBVIOUSLY, I didn’t do that – but he was a hot cop… so ya, the thought crossed my mind. This seemed to be a occurring theme. Cops, or people of the law in my life… Mr. West Coast was just that (studying here to be border controller) … it’s like I was an “officer of the law magnet” and not in a good way.
While I was setting up my “potential sex dates” in a calendar that was quickly filling up, I was still left here thinking I had so much left to do. So many things to see, try and to check off my Sex Bucket List. So as I opened my dating apps, I realized I missed a notification of a match and a message. Hmmm… he is cute, so I scroll to see if there was a description in his profile and yes there was. He was a cop. (cue dirty thoughts) 😈 😈 😈 So I replied (obviously)
It didn’t take longer then 5 minutes because we both were honest with what we were looking for. Sex. And lots of it. Because of his job, he needed to be extremely careful with who he would exchange with, what he would share with me so it wouldn’t backfire. Totally understandable, and thankfully for him, I wasn’t a crazy girl. He did give me his name so I knew he wasn’t fake and that alone was enough to keep the conversation going.
The idea of fucking a cop was extremely appealing. I guess, being a quote on quote “bad girl” and all, I wanted to be on the other side. The side of actually getting excited by the sight of a cop rather then what I have been living through the past couple of weeks. I even told him about my unfortunate incidences with the law… he promised not to arrest me, unless I actually wanted to get handcuffed. Cue wetness.
The conversation escalated. Pictures were shared and a date was set. Just like that. From match to date in less then a 72 hour span. I guess I was really looking forward to putting all the sex talk to the test… oh and due to time constraints it would be car sex. Gahhhh! I was secretly hoping it would be in his cop car… oh just the thought….
Ding. I snap out of my fantasy and I look at my phone. Its Mr.First Boyfriend, asking me if I am ready for our coffee date and “catch up”. Sure I was, I was actually looking forward to proving him wrong in his whole “just coffee nothing else”…. Just a few days until then.