After putting the kids to bed, I rapidly created a new routine. Grabbed my iPhone and spent endless hours swiping left and right on Tinder. Swiping right was actually pretty rare. I was quite selective and honestly I was getting turned off by the horrible guy profiles. No clue how to grab a girls attention. Pictures in groups (so you had no idea which guy was the right one), Shirtless pictures (even if I am looking for sex no need to show it all right away), Horrible blurry selfies (seriously, you need to focus on taking better pictures) and not to mention lack of profile info.
Let me tell you a little secret. While guys couldn’t care less about what girls are looking for in their profile description, I can guarantee you that girls read that shit. They want to know what guys are looking for so do you a favor… write something up. It makes it seem as if you really care.
Left, Left, Left, Left …. a shark picture. Huh? You know that left shark from the Katy Perry halftime superbowl show? It was a picture of that. That captured my attention. I check out the profile description which read “Left shark looking for the right shark” – this guy got me. He was witty and humorous…. I swiped right pronto. “It’s a match!” Oh I was excited. For the first time in my Tinder life I was going to write to a guy before he wrote to me.
“Just wanted to say that’s the best profile picture and bio I’ve seen on Tinder. While I’m probably not your right shark, it was worth a right swipe”
Not even 2 minutes later I get a reply “How do you know you’re not the right shark?” and it was time to be honest here. I wasn’t looking for my other half, just looking for a penis and maybe a nice/funny guy as well. The conversation flowed. Topics left and right, funny comments and then the sex talk. No need to drag this on longer than it should. I explained how my “coffee dates” translate to “booty call”.
He thanked me. “This is officially the best tinder conversation I’ve had. Not because of sexy talk. Just to talk to someone with a brain.” He was turned on by my brains. My humorous side and well the fact that I could talk sex. He even said I was sexy. Whoot whoot! Then he asked the real question “Am I coffee date potential?”
“Yes you are dear shark…”
We exchanged numbers and moved our conversation to text messages and Facebook. I liked this guy. There was something about him. He made me smile all the time. And I need just that. My separation was hell… and Mr. Shark knew how to make me feel better. Conversations with him were a little more intellectual. Less first degree. It was refreshing.
“Ding!” I check my phone … it was Mr. Persuasive Small D.
I decided to reply “Hey! Long time no speak… “
What was I doing?! …