4 – Deciding on limits

It’s great and all to be on dating sites and having a sex bucket list in order, but this new world, foreign to me is a little more complicated then that. Sure it’s fun getting matches and chatting but what happens next? Exchanging numbers? Talking on the phone? When to set the first rendez-vous? Personal discussions?

I knew I wanted to be completely transparent. No bullshit. I mean let’s be honest here, if I’m on a dating site and newly separated read between the lines dude…. I am not looking for my next husband, I am looking for sex. Problem with that? When you are upfront about what you want…. you are intimating to men.


While I am an open book, I knew I needed to decide on limits. On what I felt was acceptable for me because it was ALL ABOUT ME. When was it time to back out and move on? How would I tell someone I wasn’t interested? I did not want to get emotionally attached to anyone, and I didn’t want them to as well. I wanted a boy toy and they would be getting sex in return… what guy would say no to that?!

I knew I had to present myself in a way I have never done before… I needed to show my confidence and I could certainly not be self-conscious about my body. Yes, I am curvy – that will never change. Yes I have stretch marks from having two kids and those will never go away. But I was once told confidence was the sexiest factor and if you felt confident with your body doesn’t matter the shape or size you would be desired.

I started having self reflection about what I loved about myself my body. Decided to focus on those areas because otherwise it would be just too overwhelming. So I decided my eyes, lips and breasts were it. I started working on taking body selfies. My rule would be no face but lips were a must.

It took me many trial and errors, positions, lighting… but I am slowing getting the hang of it. I like my pictures to be tasteful. Let the imagination play a role in this game of desire… Sending the first picture was by far a roller coaster of emotions. Would he like it? Was I sexy enough? Would he feel it was enough to actually go for more?

hello a whole new slew of insecurities…


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